Tony Stark VS A Kitten
by The Glorious Felines
Summary: (humour) And the winner is... (rated for language)


Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, we don't own. Also, those with weak hearts, constitutions, breathing problems, and/or bladder control issues should refrain from reading this fic on the grounds that you WILL die laughing.

This is your first and only warning… MEOW! –GCK & GCC

**Pregame Banter**

Loki was not expecting anyone to be in his evil lair when he walked in from the thick snowstorm. He stopped short when he saw a teenager sprawled on his icy throne.

The teen opened one bright green eye and flashed him a broader grin than was humanly possible. "And lo! Mischief himself returns from his walk about the icy tundra." She adjusted how her feet rested on the breadbox sitting on the floor before the throne.

Loki eyed her warily. "How in Odin's name did you get in here?! And what are you doing on my throne?"

She closed her eye again and slouched further down. "To answer the second question, I'm sitting and attempting to take a nap but I think there might be an icicle poking me in the ass. As for the first, it's called _walking_. Not hard to do, just gotta put one foot in front of the other while standing up. Aren't you gonna ask why I'm here?"

Loki conjured up his spear and pointed it at her. "I'd rather you leave."

The teen disappeared from his throne and then reappeared from suddenly visible tendrils of smoke well within his personal space. "And here I came to offer you revenge against the Avengers. Especially when I am in sole possession of a weapon that can utterly destroy them."

Loki relaxed his stance a bit, thoughts already swirling about his mind for finding out all he could about the weapon and then disposing of the teen. "You have my attention."

She beamed at him, smile once again wider than humanly possible. "Oh I thought I might! Allow me to show you the weapon that will bring those goody two-shoes to their knees." She whirled around and sprinted for the breadbox.

It was only at that point that Loki noticed the silver and black striped tail and ears the teen possessed.

She skipped back over to him with the breadbox and held it out to him. "She's in here."

"'She'?" Loki asked with an arched eyebrow.

The teen opened the breadbox to reveal a loaf of rye bread. She rolled her eyes and lifted it up.

Underneath it was a small curled up kitten.

"A kitten?" Loki asked in disbelief.

The teen rolled her eyes. "She's a WMDVC. Looks are deceiving with my sister. Mimi, what have I told you about sleeping under the rye bread?"

The kitten lifted its head and blinked sleepily up at the teen. "'S warm Rani." Its head thunked softly against the bottom of the breadbox.

"What precisely is a 'WMDVC'? And how is a talking kitten going to destroy the Avengers?" Loki demanded.

"A WMDVC is a Weapon of Mass Destruction Via Cuteness, and trust me, there is no weapon more dangerous nor powerful. As for how she'll destroy the Avengers, let's make a wager shall we?" The teen tucked the loaf of rye bread back over the kitten.

"What are the terms?" Loki asked cautiously.

The teen's smile grew impossibly wider until it stretched literally from ear to ear. "If my sister can't take over the Avenger Tower in a week, I will leave and compensate you for any inconvenience you endure with this." She pulled an amulet that shined with power from under her shirt.

Loki relaxed his stance completely. "And if she does succeed?"

The teen purred. "You and I will discuss my reward should that happen. Do we have a wager?" She stuck out her hand.

Loki took it. "We do."

"Glorious!" She turned her attention to the breadbox. "Mimi! I has a mission for you."

The little head popped up from under the bread. "Rani has mission for Mimi?" it asked hopefully.

The teen chuckled. "Oh yes! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to infiltrate and then take over the Avenger Tower and wrap the Avengers around your little paw."

"Aye, aye Rani!" The kitten saluted and knocked herself in the head. "Ow!" She disappeared in the same manner that the teen had.

There came a crash from further in Loki's lair.

The teen facepalmed and then looked at Loki from between her fingers. "You wouldn't happen to have a cardboard box lying about would you? I forgot that my sister has narcolepsy. I think it's probably best if I deliver her by hand."

"How can you forget that your sister has narcolepsy?"

The teen flailed her hands around after dropping the breadbox. "She spends ninety-eight percent of the time in a breadbox! There are times I forget she's even in there until I go to make a sandwich!"

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose after he conjured up a cardboard box from thin air and handed it to the teen. He had a feeling that there were going to be quite a few headaches in the future.

Author's Note: Yes, we KNOW we are so Mary-Suing this. But seriously folks, it's supposed to have you rolling on the floor, laughing your asses off, and quite possibly wetting yourselves. **This is NOT serious literature!** This is what happens when I make GCC too much of her favorite tea and I'm bored off my ass. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ensuing chaos.

Oh, and flamers will be shot out of a cannon into Loki's lair, and fed to Ice-Age piranhas.

GCC: Or used to heat the water in the tea kettle. Depends on if GCK cuts me off or not. -shrug-


End file.
